If this is so blatantly obvious, why does it happen everyday that leaders expect group members to know what they want? The enlightened leader makes his observations, mental process, emotions and desires crystal clear, ongoing. This is done in a spirit of generosity. The generous leader gives himself up to his constituency by continually revealing who he is and does not blame others when he has failed to communicate what he wants. In other words, the leader takes total responsibility for delivering the message he wants others to hear.

When a leader has a strong sense of who she is and can communicate from a non-defensive posture, she will see others more clearly. She can look outside her own ego and see others without the filters of fear, manipulation, desire or dependency. By contrast, if she does not have a secure sense of self, she will fear change, try to control others, withdraw or resort to blame and punishment. When she fully has herself, she will be able to put herself aside and give her full attention to others. Defensiveness is the enemy of knowing yourself, and someone else, deeply.

This is the essential first rule for being an effective leader: listen to your own voice. Learn to listen to and respect your intuition, your logic, your emotion, your opinions, the voice of your spirit and the voice inside you that has always wanted to say: “ ______________.”

Many of us grow up with the idea that our job in life is to make others happy. There is certainly joy in serving others, but that joy does not come until you know yourself and “have” yourself to give. How can you give if you are depleted, without resources and not getting your own needs met? Losing touch with your own voice means you are not being, or becoming, who you were meant to be. This will distort any relationship of which you are a part. “How can I be yours? I am not even mine.” Voltaire has a character say.

Leaders in any organization are very visible; you can’t help but be seen. What you believe to be true about yourself will become more and more clear to others over time. You will demonstrate your values and your sense of self respect by the way you act. You will show how you feel about yourself and others around you. You are continually sending signals to others that will convince them of your picture of yourself. You will communicate that you are confident, secure, open to change and authentic or you will communicate that you are afraid, inflexible and ashamed. You will convince others of your self-truth without even trying.

To the extent that any group can bring its own conflicts into the open and resolve issues efficiently, that group will increase its freedom and power. To the extent that conflict is avoided or unresolved, the group will find itself restricted and ineffective. Conflict is a symptom of differences. When viewed this way, conflict can be an opportunity for creativity and change. It is critical that groups are able to see and learn from the differences of individual members. Only then can an organization learn from its own behavior. The leader’s task is to effectively model the tolerance for conflict and the attitude of non-defensiveness.

When a leader has a strong sense of who she is and can communicate from a non-defensive posture, she will see others more clearly. She can look outside her own ego and see others without the filters of fear, manipulation, desire or dependency. By contrast, if she does not have a secure sense of self, she will fear change, try to control others, withdraw or resort to blame and punishment. When she fully has herself, she will be able to put herself aside and give her full attention to others. Defensiveness is the enemy of knowing yourself, and someone else, deeply.

We are animals that want to congregate and build relationships. We want to be bonded and look for a certain degree of intimacy at work. How we bond and how we work together is something that is learned in a different way in each individual’s life. The healthy group will create learning experiences that explore how to work well together, how to relate well to each other and how to get what they want together.  Because you think you want something does not mean you know how to get it. All of us want to work together, most of us need to learn how.

Too many of us compartmentalize our lives: these hours for work, these hours for relaxing, these hours for family, these hours for fun. The joyful, creative person realizes that work and play do not have to be divided. She is most realized when she is enjoying what she is doing, whatever that is. She wants to come to her workplace because she loves what she does and how she is. She wants to be with her family and friends because she loves what she does and how she is. She can be authentic in whatever setting she is in. This happens when her work, her home life, her being, is a manifestation of her love.

When we work on something, we make it ours. Not that it belongs to us exclusively; we become part of it and it a part of us. When we work on a car, a house, a yard, a piece of fabric, we bind ourselves to it.

Never was this more apparent to me than when I “worked” as a potter. As I was working with the clay on a wheel, my breath, my body oil and moisture became part and parcel of the clay vessel and the clay clung to me. Earth, water, motion, vision — all whirled in my hands and were joined. In a world that is becoming more and more virtual, this may be less apparent but certainly no less true.

When you work you bind and mix yourself with your work, you deepen your own experience and you join with the others with whom you work. What does it mean to be fully conscious of this?

To build a table is to build a treasured piece as if it will live in your own house or in the house of those you love. To write a computer program is to work with ease and empathy as if your son or daughter will use that program in what they do. To work on a farm or in a food store is to pay loving attention to the food as if it will go into the bodies of your own family. To weave a scarf is to weave with caring hands as if the wool will warm the neck of your beloved.

In all of the things you fashion and in each day you work, you act with the breath and energy of your own spirit. Otherwise your work is hollow.

John Wood, with gratitude to Gibran

Dedicated to the people of New Orleans

The trash man is my shepherd; I shall not want

He maketh me to lie down in littered fields and

He leadeth me beside the polluted waters.

He resoreth nothing.

He leadeth me to use everything once

And discard it, for the dollar’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through a valley of green

It will not last long,

For waste thou art with me,

Thy aluminum cans and filter tips

Will discomfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me and

The food and water on it may be my enemies.

Thou annoinest my head with smog,

My eyes runneth over.

Surely emphysema and nervous tension

Shall follow me

all the days of my life

and I shall dwell in the city forever.