Ray Rice—read this and “the Locker RoomCulture Revisited”.

Did you see Ray’s coach and teammates rally around him? An unconscious fiance, dragged through a hotel elevator and the NFL “slaps” a two-game suspension on him.

“Ray’s a nice guy.” It’s sad that it’s so predictable; all I have to do is recycle this blog, again, when the next incidence happens.

 

 

Most of us live our lives in a relatively small bubble. We go to work, spend time with our family, engage in some kind of recreation and, perhaps, attend a place of worship. Within that bubble, we know the norms, values and rules to live by and, generally, we live by them. The sense of belonging, safety and like-mindedness that comes from our participation within that bubble is valuable to us and we will work to preserve our bubbles and protect it from outside threat.

Another way of saying this is that we grow up in sub-cultures or we find sub-cultures that we are drawn to and remain within them. The Midwest is a sub-culture. New York City can be called a sub-culture. A profession, such medicine, a religion, such as Catholicism and a particular socio-economic class are sub-cultures. So is the military and so are professional sports.

All cultures are marked by a way of communicating, behaving and treating others. Clothing, uniforms, specific values, strong beliefs and stands on public issues can also mark cultures. Apparently a new, probably temporary, subculture is forming in American politics, called the Tea Party.

When we agree with the values and behaviors of our “bubbles” we began to identify with others in our group and in our commonly held belief systems. We find a home there and, like home, our subculture will take us in when we need it, when we have been buffeted by change, loss or our own misbehavior.

Now think: Tiger Woods, Ben Roethlisberger or countless other professional athletes who have “strayed,” that is they have left their own subculture, violated norms that are held by the society at large and could not wait to get back to the clubhouse or the locker room. There, they would find other athletes who, for the most part, would forgive their misbehavior and welcome them back into the fold.

Listening to Big Ben recite his short speech after it was announced that he would not be charge with any crime as a result of his encounter with an inebriated young woman in Georgia, I could almost feel his sense of urgency to get this over with and go back to the locker room with his friends. He apologized to them. He apologized to his organization. He apologized to the league. (Imagine the size of his bubble growing around him.)

I did not hear any mention of the young woman, with whom he had allegedly been intimate in a very small restroom.  Apparently he had not hurt her. Apparently he had done nothing wrong. And you can bet the price of a season ticket to Steelers games that his teammates will welcome him back.  Not only will his fellow football players welcome him “home” to the multi-million dollar locker room, they will commiserate and many of them will identify with him.

They are part of a subculture. They are part of an elite group encased by our American society that has a strong set of values and ways of communicating and behaving. Some of what they value has to do with the way they treat women. Misogynist is a strong word – a man who hates women — but it enters one’s mind when confronted with incident after incident of forced sex, multiple secret partners, domestic violence and control imposed by force on wives, girlfriends and perfect strangers.

Many, many athletes are loyal, loving family men with healthy relationships. Many are not. Of the parts of our society that are blessed with education and wealth, athletes seem to stand out like a very sore thumb – pictures of men who have, at the least, disregard for the rights, feelings, safety and very humanness of women.

What will cause these men to change?

Those of us who love sports and watch from our stadium seats and couches must begin to openly express our love for women too. If we respect the feminine in our culture, we must start demanding more than just a legal determination if there is a case or not in matters involving rape, beatings and emotional violence. Athletes must face the community at large, not just their own comrades and not just the justice system. They must, if we are to be healthy as a nation, be held accountable for their behaviors in the court of a larger community of people who value women.

A team can act. Owners can act. The league can act. And those of us, men and women, who participate with our money and our attention to the tube, can act as well. Athletes who resort to abuse, manipulation and violence must know that they are not privileged and not immune to a larger culture that holds women in high regard.

John Wood