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I have been writing for public consumption since the sixth grade.
When I was twelve I submitted a poem to the school newsletter. It was about a young Native American performing a rain dance. I remember the first two lines:
There was a little Indian who tried to make rain
He tried and he tried but he tried in vain
In the next few lines he succeeded –it finally rained– and thanked his God and thanked the sky. I can look back now and say the themes were about doing something for his community, perseverance and gratitude. My mother, as you might imagine, saved a copy of the newsletter until she died.
I share this with you—the circle of people around me—in order to reflect on these themes: creating for my community, perseverance and gratitude. Over the years I have written about myself, and others, in order to encourage self-awareness, learning and loving. I’ve explored feelings, power, fear, leadership, culture, relationships and what it means to be human. I’ve done this to express myself, so it’s met a need of mine, and I‘ve done this with the hope that others would be moved and/or learn something about themselves.
I believe that the writer and the artist serve as bellwethers for the community in that they express themes and explore subjects that are therapeutic for the society in which they live. Words and images are able to move others to new depths, inspire action and promote healing.
Sharing these words and images takes perseverance. Any writer or artist will tell you about the struggle of trying to find an audience, connecting with people who appreciate what they do, making a living and feeling some kind of connection that comes from response. Many, many people give up and find an easier path. Many are driven to self-doubt and life laden with problems, discouraged by their perceived lack of significance.
I wrestle with the issue of response and have as long as I can remember. Am I saying something that matters to anyone? Am I just shouting into the empty space of the universe and finding no connection? It’s something that I –and many others– have had to come to terms with in order to continue expressing things that matter.
I like for my creation to have impact. The worst response is no response at all. I am not one who writes or creates images, steeped in the pure pleasure of creation, and then stores them in a drawer. So I keep doing this.
Perseverance leads me to gratitude. I continue to write essays and books and hope they see the light of day. I continue to produce images and hope they find a place in a home or office. I would not continue this if it were not for all of you and your support and encouragement — whether we know each other very well or just a little.
I still wobble on the dichotomy of creating-selling. I have had dreams of myself standing on a street corner hawking recent pages to strangers. I have written friends about the evils of capitalism and the forces of the market that “made” me sell something in order to have worth. It was painful. And part of that pain was a resistance I had not fully faced. I was whining about something that had to happen in some way if I was to reach any kind of audience.
I learned about reframing. What I had to do was look at what I was doing through different lens, see it for something different, and call it something new. Lately I have looked at it as sharing. I like to share what I do. I get excited about sending folks a new essay or a new piece of artwork. Sharing is a lot easier and more fun than selling.
While the idea of sharing things works, I am still left with a dilemma. My inner circle is small, relative to say, millions people that might see Katy Perry on the Internet. How can I expand that circle so I can have some reasonable effect and so I can justify keeping this creative-response circle going?
So, I’m sharing this with you. This is why you get these occasional e-mails from me that tell you I’m having another art exhibit or publishing a new book. I want you to know it’s a bit of a push-pull with me. I don’t like to self-promote but I don’t think anyone else is going to do it for me.
I hope you will stay in touch. Thank you.
John